6.23.2006
being bonded means.- hafing more income.
- increased stress lvl.
- ppl expect more frm u.
e hafing more income seems SOO attractive.
but somehow i don lyk being bonded cos of dat attractive-ness.
i don mind e stress.
cos studying is part n parcel of life.
i don mind ppl expecting more frm me.
cos i expect something frm myself as well.
but for me.
being bonded 4 me doesnt mean more income.
it simply means im self funded.
plus funding others.
in one way or another.
own sch fees.
own text bks.
own notes.
own expenses.
own payment of handphone bills.
wadeva it is.
it is everything dat requires M-O-N-E-Y.
being bonded means rich.
but it doesnt applies to me at all.
in fact i dunno ware all my $ went to.
i reali dunno.
i simply hates it whn my mum got $.
she tends to overspend.
u noe.
she's those dat got no limits.
jus buy n buy.
even if it means using up e whole mth's $.
e word S-A-L-E-S will oways win her over.
i dunno.
n i don understand.
n she's so aunty.
everytym dere's lucky draw.
she sure wans to hit e amt n get dat lucky draw.
she thinks she's so lucky?
oh pls.
using her own $.
i got nth to sae.
but lyk i sae she can use up e mth's $.
n left nth fer e rainy daes.
all she does is depends on me.
cos she noe.
she simply noe dat i wil lend it to her.
i will haf e $.
cos im BONDED.
whn she's got no $.
her source of income wil oways b me.
yes me.
she can go to e mall w/o cash.
n jus grab wadeva she wans.
asking me to pay fer it "1st".
den she wil sae she wil owe me 1st.
ya.
owe.
she jus bought bedsheets dat r worth over $100.
to me i think bedsheet is a must.
but expensive bedsheet is oni a need.
n plus now.
w daddy not working fer at least e last 3 mths.
i dunno.
it makes me mind starts thinking.
r all mothers lidat?
so aunty?
so engross in lucky draws?
so engross in sales?
don dey haf a limit to their spending?
or is it jus my mother?
but i noe.
she mean well.
she wanted to buy fer me.
yes.
jus fer me.
jus fer us.
jus fer e family.
but, sometimes i rather im not bonded.
i rather i had a more tough life.
mayb hafing to work n study.
mayb tis wil let her not take things fer granted.
let her learn to prepare fer e rainny daes ahead.
she don seems to learn her lesson.
i oways told myself not to lend her.
but in e end i oways did.
cos she's my mother.
but wad i cant stand is her doings.
her no limitations.
n lyk wad i sae.
she can jus buy fer u.
thinking dat u've got all e $.
not even caring if u lyk e thing.
she jus buy n demand u to return her e amt of $.
i dunno.
sometyms i cant take it.
i dunno wads running in her mind.
i fear.
fear fer e dae dat i might becum lyk her.
but i told myself tis wun happen.
i wil not let it happen.
tis is oni my part of thinking.
mayb she thinks differently.
its definitely different frm mine.
i can guarantee.
mayb if im not bonded.
not supplied w dat amt of $.
things wuld haf been different.
i wanted to save.
save to return e bank fer my sch fees.
save fer my future.
my daes ahead.
but i see no saving.
oni expenses.
oni $ lent out.
even fer my bro's sch fees.
ya i noe.
dey r my family.
i shldnt bear grudges over all tis.
i noe.
i reali noe.
cal me selfish.
cal me stingy.
but i swear.
a part of me wan dem to learn.
learn to b more independent.
learn to preapre fer their future.
e daes ahead.
dey cant oways depend on me.
fer one dae i might b gone.
gone fereva.
nobody noes.