8.16.2006
fer e whole aftnoon.i haf been sitting in front of e com.
staring at all those pics.
reali alot alot.
see until i gong.
lols!
sometyms its gud to b less pretty.
to b less handsome.
don u all think so?
so handsome so pretty but no character got wad use?
my younger bro is one handsome chap.
a very gud example.
im not saeing dat he got no character.
but all he does is go sch.
n not care bout sch work.
but care bout gers.
everydae tok on fone until middle of e nite.
change ger lyk change shirt lidat.
everydae stay in sch don cum hm.
jus to get e accompany of gers.
tis is crazy.
lols!
school
everyone loves to b protected.
so do i.
n i simply love dat.
i rmb how i was reali taken care of whn i was young.
esp during my pri sch daes.
i was treated lyk a princess.
everything i sae.
ppl wuld abide to me.
n dey do it willingly.
my fren wuld wait fer me at e bus stop every morn w/0 fail.
help me to take my barang barang.
frm e bus stop all e way to sch.
acc me to e bus stop whn its tym to go hm.
food was taken care of.
my fren wuld treat me.
buy food fer me.
i haf quite alot of savings back den.
i stil rmb how kor kor wuld walk so fast on our way to sch.
not waiting fer me.
but he wil stil ask e bus driver to wait for me.
his little sister.
who oways walk so slow.
its until whn i was sec 1.
i feel dat i had no frens.
i was posted to a sch w no ppl i knew.
i felt so alone.
so left out.
even until now.
loneliness sets in.
i don feel dat kind of warmth among ppl ard me anymore.
e feeling is so different.
i truely truely miss pri sch daes.
whn everything was taken care of.
now.
in sch.
im someone who seems to noe everything.
someone who's independent in ppl's eyes.
but somehow.
ppl wuld b stil b afraid dat i might get lost in a crowded place.
ppl wuld stil hold my hand whn i cross e road.
isnt it tym fer me to grow up?
home
kor kor use to take food fer me whn eating.
ppl who dunno wil think dat he's my bf.
its oni until now dat he got gf.
dat he stop doing all tis.
ah di wuld peel prawn fer me.
even until now.
papa wuld drive me to sch.
not even groaning.
not even complaining.
mama wuld stil cal if i go home late.
she scolds.
she nags.
but i noe it all.
she mean well.
tho i was train to do hsehold chores since young.
n am stil doing it now.
i get scolding.
get beating.
i once felt so terrible dat i feel lyk dying.
but i noe.
whn im home.
im someone w attitude.
i throw tantrum.
unlike in sch.
i kip all sorrows to myself.
no matter how angry how fustrated.
i don vent my anger.
its tym fer me not to take my family fer granted.
dey deserve smth better i guess.
i don throw tanrum anymore.
i noe wad i shld do n wad i shld not.
but is tis enuff?
shld'nt i b more sensible n independent?
as in to b able to go out dere n do smth fer others?
no nite cycling.
no pulau ubin trip.
no overnite staying.
not even trips dat wil help save ppl.
fer me to gain experience.
im stil a small little ger in my parents eyes.
aft so many yrs.
or isit e same fer everyone?
but shldnt i grow up?
tho i don feel lyk growing up.
i dunno wad im toking.
wad im typing.
but ok.
wadeva.