Designer : BLACKLOVES-
Brushes : (:
Images : (:
Fonts: (:
Basecodes: (:

R.A.N.D.O.M.S

#1 i envy siblings who have very close bonds. to the extent where they go out together like friends. i mean what's more happy than having your own sibling as someone that you can confide in like how people confide in friends. sometimes i really wish for a sister. one whom i can shop together with, talk girly stuffs with. its not like when you got brothers. its way different. at this point of time, i dont mind sharing my room with someone. as in if i have a sister to start with. okay. maybe i still wants a room to myself lah. contradicting. humans humans.

#2 just got to know that my cousin and her boyf relationship ended at a 4yrs plus time frame. who would expect that to happen after 4 years am i right? people often plan alot for the future in long term relationship like that. much more at the age of 20plus, you will neva thought that a huge chnage like this will be inflicted in your life. i use to think that as time pass, relationship builds up stronger. but now, i think otherwise. i've seen many cases of long term relationship break ups. its darn saddening. its the love, not the duration.

#3 i finally caught the sight of pearlyn's sister's kite runner. its on the shelf, hidden well by magazines. LOL. i wanted so much to read a good book. but i wanted even more to rest my brain and eyes before or after work. i hope it isnt collecting dust on my shelf eh.

#4 i have yet to mention that my younger brother failed his sec 3 end of year exams huh? im not trying to let everyone know. but yeah. i dont know what's wrong with him. hard ways, soft ways all doesnt seems to help. its only GAMES in his mind. maybe i really should do some actions when i told him i will lock my monitor to somewhere (probably the rails of the window, cause that's the only place that i can think of) if he tries to get up in the middle of the night to 'steal' my monitor for his games (cause elder brother's lappy sceen spoiled). i really hope he can do some thinking about his studies eh. i know he's a smart ass. however, just plain lazy.

#5 i feel so sad that meet ups are getting lesser and lesser as the day goes by. my life revolves around work, sleep, eat. luckily my job do something good to people. or else, im sure im gonna feel so target-less (is there even such a word? lol), no sense of achivement in life. i thought once in a while meet ups are good. especially with laughs from within during meet ups. and im craving for one such meet ups right now.

Labels: randoms

the morning was bad.
half way through taking report, i felt so restless.
so giddy, so nausea, so cold, so weak.
and the forever not disappearing headache which now penatrates down to the neck.
despite having koko crunch and half glass of plain water for breakfast.

excused myself to the toilet.
on my way there, the staff nurse from the other cubicle commented that i was very pale and should take some iron tablets.
and i just gave her a weak smile.

when i look into the mirror, the looks were pretty horrid.
my lips were pale to almost white.
my face were so not energized for a morning.
after resting for a few minutes on the toilet bowl, i felt much better.

i dont know why is all this happening.
but i do hope im fine.
i dont want to be replacing my holidays for attachment days.
i probably need more rest and that's all.

got back my grades for attachment today.
am pretty satisfied with the marks that i got.
hopefully i do as well for my PRCP and help to pull the most disastrous yr1sem1 result that i gotten back then.
nurses, its just four more days!
everyone is experiencing bad times, lousy moments.
stay strong cause more challenges are coming up for PRCP.
and we can all make it. (:

Labels: attachment

i wanna go for a swim.
i really want to.
but failed in pusuading mummy in letting me go.
cause we're suppose to eat when kor kor reach home.
its his birthday today.
and say its pretty rush but i dont think it is.
sighsssssss. ):

the bright strong sun makes me want to rush to the swimming pool right now.

Labels: cravings

6 empty beds out of 7 during the start of the shift.
i knew today will not be good.
and yes, i had 6 admission during my shift. SIX.
with 1 from HD, 1 from ICU, 4 from A&E.

1 pass away.
with DIL, MCM status.
temperature shoot up to 39.4 degree celsisus.
sp02 dropping even when she's on non-rebreathing mask.
family sobbing away.
rest in peace, ah ma.

1 from the oncology side who's not in the right state of mind.
scolding and yelling away even with the security guard prescence.
saying he will remember everyone and we've done nothing good for him.

parameters.
hypocount.
updating of charts.
writing reports.
serving medications.
attending the needs of patients and their relatives.
doing what the nurses ask us to do.
admission, receiving new case.
passing report.
bedpans.
2 hourly turning.
walking up and down.
taking this and that.

when i finally can step out of the ward.
waited 20mins for the freaking bus.
reached home only at 2315pm.

even the process of bathing is torturous.
after standing for the whole shift at work.
all i want is just to chop chop even when bathing.
the standing part kills.

what a day.
THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY.

i went to have a peep at my PRCP ward today.
it looks so err unfriendly.
14 weeks there.
i so dont look forward to it.
haisssssssssss. ):
stress plus plus.

Labels: attachment

i've been having frequent headaches.
nausea and fatigue plus plus.
been wanting to sleep very much.

am i suffering from some kind of brain disease?
or am i just too stressed up?
or maybe its just medical student disease?

anyway, during one of my afternoon nap.
i dreamt of myself at work.
looking after all the patients and stuffs.
doing my daily ward routine.
this is going crazy.
i cant even rest in my sleep.
what the hell.

Labels: attachment

the moment i woke up from my afternoon nap.
the nausea feeling is in me.
really feel like throwing up man.
but nothing came out and it makes everything worse.
and the intense pain at the side of the head.
it sucks totally.

my last intake was 1030am in the morning.
dont have the appetite for any food.
i hope i survive till the weekend eh.

Labels: not-so-good

im going to a gastro ward for PRCP.
together with tan jun jie, wong jun jie and shamini.
yes, think all you wan.
im sians at the thought of it.
no people that im actually on talking terms with.
i dont want to elaborate further.
if you know, you will.
if u dont, then u wont.

it was nice talking to hazel and ying xian about attachment stuffs.
at least still someone to whine to.
to complain as much to each other.
cause we all know what we are going through.
and understand every part of it you see.

im at ward 57 now.
neuro ward.
i dont really like the sister there eh.
she spelled s.t.u.d.e.n.t when she sees us.
the look on her face tells me she's very guai lan.
and indeed, students previously in her ward says that she's one who appear all so nice but yet she's not.
luckily she's on course for the whole of next week.
hehs!

but she says.
nursing is not an easy job.
you need alot alot of support from family, friends and boy/girlf if you have one.
ask them not to expect to get consecutive weekends off.
cause off days are by rotation.
whine and scold once in a while to ventilate.
and forget about it after that - its known to be healthy this way.

staff nurse says.
even on off day, you'll still ask to come back for work.
sometimes when u've got plans with your friends.
and then you got to cancel it.
its super sians and saddening.
but yah, that's life of a nurse, you must get use to it.

that's how a nurse is suppose to be eh?
see the regrets from inside me?
but im already quite used to ward routine and stuffs now.
so not too bad actually.
just that late breaks/no breaks and overtime is inevitable.

Labels: attachment

maybe sometimes love just aint enough.

Labels: thoughts

the day was bad. with work ending 2 hours later than it was supposed to be. with irritating colleagues. with the mood-less day that came together with the rainy day. with them, i feel as though im the only one working in the whole ward. im invisible to them and perhaps vice versa. no talks, no nothing. but luckily im coping pretty good in that ward. i really dont know how im gonna survive PRCP with her. but well, not as if i've got a choice. jus cross fingers and hope for the better.

Labels: attachment

waking up with the whole house dark gives the lonely feeling. same shift of attachment with people that i dont really mix around with sux totally. being the only one on different shift with the whole poly clique sux even more. its stil not 14 days yet, and thus, no meet ups with boyf. all this add up to many many L.O.N.L.I.N.E.S.S. ): im having chocs as part of the meal for the whole 3 meals today. breakfast, lunch and dinner. this is crazy. and now i know why im growing sideways. its amazing how human can be so much different in terms of characters and doings. like totally different. and that's why each and everyone of us are special in our own ways. the most wonderful things in life are often the simpliest things that we failed to see.

Labels: lonliness

Labels: photos

this longer than normal weekend is very well spend. saturday was meet up with yumin. followed by hui xin after her work. sunday was meet up with suting. like finally and i <3 it cause its the whole day to ourself with no others. quality time spend talking and shopping. we'll meet up again to buy you know what lah huh. hahaha. and today was meet up with cam and lyn to sentosa. weather wasnt really good. but at least manage to tan for 1 hour plus. and there comes the rain. was super heavy that even shelter doesnt help. the wet and cold feeling. after which headed down to school to meet the BME people. post surprise celebration for brendan. with cake and a timemax watch for his birthday. then to JE for dinner and slack. i miss times like that with them eh. just sit and talk. really talk crap kind of days. but yet still enjoy every moment of it. its only when u know days like that are going to end soon, then u start to cherish them and yearn for it more. packed shedule makes the 14 days without seeing boyf a little faster. cause before i knew it, the day has past. and i miss my boyf. ): im craving for big warm hugs.

Labels: meet ups

Labels: photos, poly meet ups

Your past life diagnosis: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Alaska around the year 1625. Your profession was that of a farmer, weaver or tailor. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Seeker of truth and wisdom. You could have seen your future lives. Others perceived you as an idealist illuminating path to future. The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:You fulfill your lesson by helping old folks and children. You came to this life to learn to care about the weak and the helpless. http://thebigview.com/pastlife/ so i really came onto the world to do something nice huh? LOLs. and when i key in boyf birthday, the same things appear. so we actually live in the same place in the past eh. thats like so amazing. anyway, work really have been busy. i oni had 15mins of break today. and thats like freaking pathetic. i can already foresee how days ahead is going to be like. no or damn short and rushing breaks. plus overtime everyday. oh this is hell.

Labels: attachment, webby

nurse. many would ask, of all occupation why a nurse? seriously im having doubts myself all this while. firstly, its like there's shift work. that's very very bad to start with cause its very not flexible. and you got to wake up early in the morning say 5am if you're on morn shift? imagine yourself being in a low mood. not wanting to do anything. or say, have been emotionally hurt. or maybe something bad happens to your/family/friends. but yet a nurse job is to still bring a smile to work despite all. appear to be all so nice when deep down, you are hurt in some way. that's why things got to come from the heart. its more of, patients first, you yourself second. but as humans, how many can do that? i mean we definately are selfish at times in life. during this last phase of attachment. i though everything was much more difficult that before. you're more on your own. you are expect to make lesser or no mistakes cause you are a year 3. people expect you to be a know-it-all. but dont everyone makes mistake? many quitted. from a cohort of 170plus to 150plus. people are still leaving. and many claim not wanting to be a nurse when they graduate. its super wasted. especially when its coming to the end of 3 years. but i totally understand how it feels. what we are exactly going through. especially to be in the same hospital, under the same clinical facilitator. its a period of time where how much everyone feels like giving up. some left, some hang on. how tiring it can be after a day at work. how much we wanted encouragement and not scoldings or lectures. how much we wanted just some understanding. some words of comfort. we are fragile human beings too. and that's just simple things that we hope for, isnt it missy out there? if not for the bond that im holding on to right now. i totally got no guarantee that i might still stay put in nursing. its a ultra-ly challenging job. one that test your patience, your character, your everything. im not giving up. cause i know at the end of the day, its the love and care that we share that touches all. it definately is tough. but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, isnt it? and i i would say nursing chnages my way in seeing life. how thinkings change from a young little girl to what i am now. and i know all this while, im not alone. NP pionner batch of nurses, lets work hard together. (: CHEERIOS. i dont know why this post. but yah. just came to my mind.

Labels: nurses

lazing around on a sunday isnt that bad after all. its the only time when you can sit and do whatever you have in mind. not like when its after work everything grows so lazy. yesterday was birthday celebration for grandma. ate at a restaurant near tiong bahru. as cousins all grow older, conversation gets lesser. its only the two small cousins of mine who still remains active as ever. and im glad im always the one they approach. grandma hasnt been in the pink of health lately. falling down numerous time in a month. but yet stubbornly reject staying at our place or hiring a maid. well, let's just pray for the best. have been watching one litre of tears. the perseverance, the dertermination moves me. everytime i see this kind of shows, i tell myself i mus treasure life even more. i must do something to make life better. i must be contended with what i have. i must not regret whatever i do. but its always for a super short period of time. and this kind of thinking wears off. when isit that people will start to cherish things around them? only when they start to loose things around them? start to have lesser time than anyone else? i dont know but i hope i will learn. learn to be a better person. talk to boyf for 2 and a half hours yesterday night. like so amazing-ly long. but i heart it. those talks looking back in the past. how i use to dont like him in the past. how i use to care so little about him despite the fact that we are together. followed by the wonderful times that we had. the talk-less walks to school. how stupid not to cherish the only time we were given at that point of time. its memories that will never be forgotten. and im glad, for now, that i have him. the one who always stood by me throughout the years. the one who never once gave up on me. the love for each other reamins, no doubt. (:

hand in hand we shall stay (:

Labels: birthday celebration, thoughts

i jus finished my case study.
the most detailed one i've done in my entire 3 years.
at least that's what i personally feel.
afternoon nap helps spice up the energy level.
and im jus happen to be in the mood for internet research and learning new stuffs.
very rare, i know. haha.

so, 1 ward posting is coming to an end tomorrow.
which means 1 and a half month of attachment has ended.
very fast indeed.

anyways, im craving for meet - ups.
attachment, eat, sleep is so no life.
and i cannot take it anymore.

coming monday will be meet up with the girls and jon for steamboat at marina.
the food, the company, the talks, the fun.
enjoy every part if it before the day where we are all busy with shift work.

FD.
arrange for a meet up session before u girls start school okays.
or else projects, exams will take away all the time.
say, jogging during one of the weekends?
that's provided yumin's leg is fully healed.
or maybe window shop, sit and talk kind of thing?

ADNA NG SU TING.
i know you will be looking at my post.
so u had better meet up with me soon.
not like 2 weeks later.
its damn long.
more sticky glue, remember? haha.

and i wanna go kayaking with joyce.
of course with the rest of DDC as well.
healthy meet ups you know.
not those late nights out kind of thing.

boyf has to stay in for 2 weeks.
yes, TWO. 14 days.
with no book outs on weekends.
nothing.
this is so shitty.
but luckily there's calls and messages.

i don't know what im whining about all the meet ups and stuffs.
but heh.
i can like foresee that in less than a year time, things will be very different.
it will be work, work and still work.
so let's treasure this moment of get together. (:

Labels: attachment, meet-ups

morning came out from the bathroom, got scolded.
ended work, reached home got scolded.
i think my mum is like pms-ing or something.

blame me for everything.
ME, ME and still ME.
never my brothers.
scolded me when i never even did anything.
make me damn pissed.
RARRRRRR.

our CF went for overseas trip.
so L.P.S took over.
and she's like ultra scary.
though im still not tekan by her yet.
but i see the look on other students face, i think im gonna die terribly.
the way she shoots all the questions.
the way she expects you to know everything.

yes, we are year 3 already, i know.
but under nervous circumstances, everything can go blank.
i still pray hard that she doesnt come and talk to me.
she's like saying she's giving us audit forms tomorrow.
and we are suppose to get prepared to be audit any time.
oh man, save me.

took case for the very 1st time today.
the process of it was pretty ok.
maybe cause my case was really simple.
but the patient actually insisted on discharge.
and so when everything was done and the patient is ready to be discharge.
she again, insisted that she wanted to stay.

much more, there's booking and the new case is already in the ward.
its like damn.
but still, got the things settled and wrote my reports and pass over quite smoothly.
but still, its super stress.

and after being super stressed up at work.
people are late.
you get scolded.
it just sucks totally.
and im like so pissed and so sad.
but that packet of potato chips did help a tiny weeny bit.

im not saying cause i know i cant control my emotions.
and im sad that i've still yet to hear from you. ):
i feel so weak and useless. BAHHHH.

Labels: sadness